I am totally in NO mood to study.
I'm getting so complacent.
And I will fast fast and hard.
It will hurt so much.
But i just can't get myself to study.
It's like my world just fell apart.
With one swift cut of the knife.

Wo zheng ge shi jie dou lie kai le.
Shen me xi wang dou gen zhe feng yi qi
piao zou.

I just keep telling myself I'll study later.
But with all this shit,
who's in any mood.
My life is so fucked up.
I feel so stupid.
Like as though I blew out my own brains
a long time ago.
Bang bang.
Blasted straight out of the atmosphere.
And now it's gone.
I'm so fullashit.
I couldn't even let you know.
How much I wanted to know you so badly.
As though I were craving your attention.
But I don't know you.
I don't even know what you were
ever expecting from me.
Why?
You think I don't care.
But I do.
More than you'll ever know.

You. Why? Why? Am I suddenly invisible?
You make me feel as though I was just a makeshift remedy.
Are you cured?
I'm no longer important
a wind, a breeze,
and it blows away all memory.
All traces of my existence.
Is that it?
Or is the story deeper?
It hurts to know you don't care.
I thought maybe we could run away.
Be happy.
Take a rocket to the farthest planet.
Just like we planned to.
Escape.
But Rain is still there.
She's still hurting you.
And you're letting her.
Why do you let her break your heart?
So what if she ran away?
I'll still be here.
How could I have thought more?
Why did I?
Foolish little me.
Especially when I don't even know you.
I just don't want to see you hurt, don't you see?
Sometimes you have to dig so deep.
It hurts. So much.
But it's the only way to stop hurting so much more.
You're not ready.
Not ready to dig deep.
To take her out of your heart.
So there she will stay.
She will hurt you more.
Get buried even deeper.
The longer you leave her in there.
The more painful it will be to get her out again.
Until she becomes part of you.
And you can't breathe without her.
That will be the story of your life.
And so.
We couldn't run away.
Just like we planned to.
Because you'd bring her with you.
In your heart.
And then we couldn't ever truly escape.
So let go.
If you will.
I'm sorry.
I'm assuming so much of you.
But I feel like you deserve more.
Less of the hurt.
More of the happiness.
Why?
Don't pretend.

Or maybe I'll just fade away.