for everything i've ever done in the way
of hurt to you.
i'm sorry.
but i have no regrets about what i did.
or what i might have done.
just in case you were wondering
if i was a nutcase.
or if i don't know what i'm doing.




so what if i blamed you wrongly?
you're not that big a person
to forgive someone like me.
and i don't want your forgiveness.
not at all.
i know i don't deserve it.
and i know that you won't mean it.
so what's the point?
we'll still hurt each other.
somehow or other.
we will.
so maybe it's better things ended up this way.

every time i look at you i feel
such intense sadness.
and yet, i feel so mad.
so angry.
i could walk right up to you and slap you.
it's weird.
but it's true nonetheless.
i don't understand why.


perhaps it's because you're kind of hypocritical.
how could you ignore me the way you did
so many times before,
and then the moment i found someone
other than you to hang out with,
make such a hoo-ha about it?
i don't understand.
i have such a sneaking suspicion you were jealous.
but i guess i'll never find out.
not that i really care.
what matters is that it hurt.
and now that hurt is over.
i am happy for that.

i just wish it could end a better way.
but i suppose someone up there
has it against me.

i'm so tired of it all.
all the times you made me think
of ending everything.
Just putting a full-stop
to my miserable life.
making life easier for you.
it's a good thing i didn't after all.
it'd be such a waste.
especially now i know.
how much i really actually meant to you.




i just wonder what you'll do with that cross now.
i paid for it.
clamoured over it.
so long i'd waited.
to get it.
to give it to you.
i knew you'd like it.
but it doesn't matter anymore.
i don't give a fuck.
you can keep it.
your reminder of what went wrong.
and how foolish you were
to think i'd just stand there for
all this shit.
how foolish i was
to think there was such a thing as
happy-ever-after.
i don't owe you anything anymore.
ever.
we don't ever have to talk to each other again.
i'm fine with that.