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Official club members:
Me.
Ashikin [well duh!]
Ju
Izzy
Sarimah

heehee.

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oh well.


it hurts more and more every time i think
about it.
everyone keeps telling me to let go.
to give up on what i can't change.
but i can't.
it's like the pain i felt when Ju put that
alcohol swab on my wound.
Except that it's inside.
It really hurts.
And i don't know what to do about it.
I can't just let go.
I know I do a good job of pretending.
But sometimes it gets too much.
And I wonder where life is taking me.
So i figure,
I must have broken my own heart.
And yet,
that doesn't fix it.
Now I find out it's all a mix-up
concerning
two or more people with loose mouths.
It took one to think up such things.
and another few to spread it.
perhaps i shouldn't have said anything
before i was sure.
but i can guarantee that i meant what i said.
and i did it because i trusted the people
you were jealous of.
and i'll stick by it if need be.
i'll stick by the people who told me
because they believed i had a right to know.
and because they cared.
i don't have to apologise to you.
and i won't.

you know what?
on second thought,
I'd like my necklace back.
the one i dreamt about for so long.
i meant to give it to you.
but i suppose i shouldn't give it to just about
any trash.
after all, it cost me so much to get it.
more than just that money in my pocket.
more than you'll never know.














Sigh.
I think i drive myself
stark raving mad sometimes.
i shall go study now.
to negate the effects of a broken heart
and stupidity.
tata.
-nick.