Sigh.
It seems that no one
is happy with my exam results.
Not me.
Not my mom.
And yes, I know sighing is bad for
mental well-being.

"It seems to me that your
grades have deproved since Semester 1."
Yeah. Like you would know.
It seems to be the only part of my life
you take active interest in.
You couldn't even be bothered to ask me why.
Nope.
"Why did you do so badly?"
Blahdeblah.
You know.
The usual.
It's not like the rest of the level did THAT well.
Jeez.
Can't you ever just give me a break?
But I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Oh well.
I guess I couldn't be the perfect daughter.
Not good at everything.
Except lazing around.
And just plain being a burden, huh?

I can't even meet my own standards,
what more others'?
Sigh.
I seem to be an all-rounder in the area
of Losership.
I can't do well in my studies.
Can't play sports on account of MVP.
Can't be musically-inclined in any way.
Sigh.
I feel so stupid.

In class,
I'm tenth.
and my L1R5 is 19.
A fucking 19.
Not good enough for anyone.

In sports,
I'm not even allowed to take part in OBS,
or even in PFT.
It's just bloody PFT.
But no.
They won't even let me do flex arm hang.
Jeez.

In band.
I'm so dislikeable, aren't I?
To all of you?
Fuck it all.
I am stupid enough to be in 3rd part.
Not good enough to even qualify for 2nd, i guess.
And when any solos or solis or when one person in a part plays,
I am never chosen.
I know I'm really bad at playing, right?
I have no commitment, blahdeblah.
I cause a lot of trouble for you, don't I?
Huh?
Even my attendance for band is screwed.
It's like I'm invisible.
How hard was it to say,
"Nicole is present today?"
No...
I was marked ABSENT.
WTF.
And now, everyone makes it seem like
my fault that I am so inconsequential.
But it probably is.

It's like I really can't excel.
I'm sorry, God, for being such a failure.
I'm really sorry.
Sigh.













5 more days to Jess' birthday!
Counting down for my lao po! (:
My darling Arwen.