It's so hard to make you happy.
I tried so hard to make you smile.
To make you feel better.
But it seems like it's all useless.

Nick is feeling absurdly childish and selfish
and self-centred and all those feelings that
make you seem like you're still 5 years old
inside.

She knows it's wrong. But it's so hard to stop
herself.

Nobody knows the selfish thoughts in Nick's
mind, but she knows they're there.
And she feels bad, but she can't make them
go away.
Nick wishes she could make everyone happy.
But it's not possible.
Not for her.
And she's sad.
She knows she's not responsible for everyone
in the world, but she feels that way anyway.

Nick needs a hug.


Why is the harder I try the worse things seem to get?
Is it due to my inaptitude?
I don't know if I should just give up.
Why try?
Everything I've done wrong comes back to me with
a vengeance.
And I wonder why I was stupid enough to fall into this trap.
And of course,
the next time i promptly fall into another one.
I try to be kind, generous, unselfish, polite, knowledgeable,
fair, loving.
But all the failed attempts turn around to slap me in the face.
What more do you want?
Did you ever care?
I'm so confused. Tied up.
I'm tired.
I think I'll just leave now.
I know when I'm not wanted.