I've always thought that when looking at character,
you either are or you are not.
And yet, that has me confused.
Because I feel that I am this one way,
and yet i know there's more than just that.
It's like the way I feel about myself.
I don't really like myself.
What I feel is just acceptance.
That I am just this way.
Because I haven't seen evidence to prove otherwise.
And yet there are times when I feel like I've
made a change for the better.
Without knowing which way.
Is it possible?
To be who you want to be?
Or to be what you dislike about other people,
and yet, not that way either?
It's so confusing.
I get the impression that I'm a selfish person.
So I try my utmost best not to be.
If you think selfish thoughts,
but you don't act on them,
doesn't that still make you selfish?
I hate people who are hypocrites.
But don't I do hypocritical things too?
How can you feel two ways about yourself
or others?
Isn't it just a yes or no?
Aren't you only allowed to be or not be?
Why is it that thinking of these things always leaves me
confused and dissatisfied?
Is it really possible to talk about people
the way there are two sides to a coin?
Isn't the soul just one thing?
How can there be a good and bad side to a person?
Isn't it one and the same person?
I don't even know where I'm going with
all these questions.
Do I want answers?
Or do I ask these questions because I know there
might not be an answer?
Can I be two ways?
Is it really possible to change the basis of someone's
character?
Or are we just lying to ourselves
when we say,"I've changed for the better"?
It's like a quiz show, isn't it?
"Is this person so-and-so?"
Isn't it just a yes or no?
Can there be more than one answer?
I'm so confused.
Like I'm lost in translation.
Should I turn left or right?
And the answer I recieve is incomprehensible.
Am I not listening closely enough?
My life seems like a cycle of mistakes.
And I'm afraid to think of the possibilities.
Because I'll probably just get it wrong again.
Is it because I'm a fool?
Or that I'm just asking the wrong people for directions? I don't think so.
So I'm a fool.
To think I would be able to figure it out.
I think too much and understand too little.
Nick the
