this is me. in the toilet after styling my hair.


Why do I make such complexities out
of trivial affairs?
Perhaps it is because I think everyone
else is like me.
So I imagine everyone is a backstabber
like me.
And I imagine everyone else is crabby,
unforgiving and petty like me.
I imagine everyone else has no life like
me.
Maybe it's to protect myself from getting
hurt by others.
But I get hurt all the same.
Except that, in my struggle to protect
myself, I don't realize that I'm the one
doing all the hurting.
Foolish fucked-up me.
Why?
I make stupid decisions one after another.
All the time.
My whole life was one stupid mistake.
For not listening when I should have.
For not following my heart when I should have.
For being stupidly naive.
For imagining anyone would ever fall in love
with me.
Why?

I'm sorry.
Again.
For hurting you.
I didn't realise you thought I was angry at you.
I wasn't.
I was insanely jealous.
But there's nothing else to it.
I swear.