I've decided not to be
vindictive.
It just makes me unhappy.
I'm probably the only one who suffers.
Yeah, so here I go trying to
clear my head of bitchy thoughts.
10%...
20%...
35%...
50%...
72%...
83%...
95%...
100%.
Done. For now.
I feel so abnormally happy.
Even just thinking about you.
I'd given up hope, mostly.
Until I realized that I was
the one who closed up.
Why do I have to be tangled
up in this triangle of
conflicting interests?
I don't know what to think anymore.
Like I'm being torn between 2 worlds.
Between my happiness and someone else's.
I know I've always been a selfish person.
But I'm looking to change that.
Yet, does this mean I have to lie to
others about what I really feel?
This complication is hard to figure out.
If I knew how you felt,
I'd be clearer on what to do.
I mean, I'd still not want to hurt him,
but I'd understand more on what
everybody wants.
But I don't know what you want.
And I'm sure you know about this
'little incident'.
He's one of your good friends.
And even if he'd kept it from you,
you'd have figured it out by now.
I wish the other person hadn't opened
his mouth and said anything.
Yet, if he hadn't, would I have been
content pretending that I didn't know
anything?
When it was all in front of me?
It's so difficult to know what to do.
I shouldn't get tangled up in this mess.
But I can't step out.
And I don't want to either.
Cos' it means I'd be running away.
I've done that most of my life.
Hiding,
pretending the trouble in front of me
will disappear if I don't acknowledge
its presence.
I wonder if I'll ever grow up
sufficiently to make my own
decisions.
And to be able to detach myself
and think from an outsider's
point of view.
If I were to say yes,
wouldn't I be hurting three people
instead of one?
And I'd be the liar at the end of the day.
And I wouldn't be able to face myself.
Or keep up the facade for long.
But to reject, however nicely,
would mean stabbing someone
where it hurts.
Right in the heart.
And I wouldn't be able to do that.
Besides, how sure is it that I won't be
happy?
Would I be happier waiting around for
something that might never happen?
My brain is about to explode with
the stress.
Still, I can't help but be flattered.
To be admired is something
greatly heartening for an ugly
duckling such as me.
God, help me.
I am so torn.
I've always looked to you for help.
And you've answered some of my prayers.
Please.
Say you like me.
Say it.
Say he doesn't matter.
Tell me what I heard him say
was a mistake on my part.
Tell me he wasn't talking about me.
Sweep me off my feet.
Love me.
Please.
I've been waiting around
for you.
For the hope that you may one day
wake up and realize that I've been the
one for you all this time.
And tell me what you're thinking.
Tell me everything about yourself.
Tell me what your favourite colour is.
Tell me when your birthday is.
Tell me what and who you dream of.
Tell me what you think. About anything at all.
Tell me what you wished for
on your fifth birthday.
Tell me why you think the way you do.
Tell me what runs through your mind
when you think about me.
Tell me what you think about when
you're all alone.
Tell me about your nightmares.
Tell about your wishes.
Tell me your preferable vocation.
But I suppose you won't.
And here I'll be,
caught right in the middle.
Like I have been since I stepped into your world.
