I feel so messed up,
confused between the person others want me to be,
and the person I am...
These two are from different worlds,
completely different in character,
yet somehow similar all the same...
I wonder if it's natural to be two different people...
if it's all the same, I'd rather be the person others want me to be....it's so much easier since no one can criticize what I do.
Yet then again...that person that they see me as they want me to be,
is definitely not the person I actually, deep down inside the bottomless pit of my heart, wish I was.
I could be better, way better,
I could be a prude, I could be a straight-As scholar, I could be a no-nonsense nerd, I could be all that and more,
and I could be me.
I suppose I'm not making too much sense, am I?
Thank goodness I've got somewhere to pen my thoughts down.
Life as a teen is definitely taking it's toll on me.
This is what I am:
-A schizophrenic-switching between the naughty and the dark side, and the nice and clean side.(I've definitely got more of the former than of the latter)
-A dreamer-I base my hopes on my dreams, my wishes on my hopes, and my dreams on my wishes.
-A kid-wanting to dance in the rain, feeling the soft cool pillow against my cheek, biting my nails, popping bubble-wrap, leafing through my baby photos, making a sock puppet, staging a play of princes and princesses, believing in monsters in the closet, hiding behind the curtain to pretend I'm not there.
-A couch potato-eating and eating, drinking soft-drinks, eating Mentos, wiggling my toes, watching what other people believe life is all about on a 36-inch screen in glorious technicolour.
-A pilot-planning my route of life, passing through major stages in the process.
-An actress-dancing and living out my dreams in front of other people, showing them I'm not afraid.
Yet this is not what I think other people want to see.
But who cares anyway? I have decided that it's way better to be the person I wan to be, so I don't regret it later.
Besides, what do YOU care what other people think?
Success depends on the person who brings it about, not the people who were there watching it happen.
What I need now is someone to get down in the mud with me, not stand outside and cheer me on.
Who's ready to get dirty?
